Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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