Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
