What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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