I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
