Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
