eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
