i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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