Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
