It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
