I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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