I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
