You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
