mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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