return my video game
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
