I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
im calling her cock vulture from now on
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
