My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
