im about as happy as oj after his trial
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
