hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i think i have two assholes
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
