how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
