when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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