Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
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