when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
