Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
