thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
is that a dick in a sweater?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
