I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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