There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
