The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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