We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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