I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
