I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
