Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
