I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
