Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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