Four minutes until I can fart!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
