tell your sister to shave her snatch
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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