His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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