all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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