Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
