Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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