So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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