You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
