so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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