He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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