she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
