the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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