I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
