Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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