Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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