i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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