I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
