It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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